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Words Matter: Softened Phrasing Helps Make Deals, Research Reveals

Leading with an assertive offer tends to result in better financial terms. The risk is that you offend your partner and motivate them to walk away from the table, resulting in a no-deal outcome.

New Cornell research shows that one way to solve this problem – to be assertive while reducing the chance of a no-deal outcome – is to “soften” your speech with linguistic hedges, to speak “politely.”

“People often think of politeness as signaling weakness or inviting a partner to be assertive, but this paper demonstrates that it significantly lowers the risk that a partner walks and, it does so without inviting assertive counteroffers,” said Alice J. Lee, assistant professor of organizational behavior at the ILR School. “For this reason, we propose it is the optimal approach. The potential risk is vastly outweighed by the benefits.”

She is the lead author of “Hedging First Offers Permits Assertiveness While Lowering Risk a Partner Walks,” published Dec. 18 in “Social Psychological and Personality Science.” Co-authors are Malia F. Mason, a Columbia Business School professor, and Claire S. Malcomb, an ILR doctoral student.

The findings are relevant to many scenarios, from buying and selling houses to salary negotiations to buying an antique guitar on Facebook Marketplace, Lee said.

“When you state an offer politely by incorporating hedges, you are perceived as more open and respectful. Those impressions matter. Softening proposals helps get the conversation started, and fewer people walk away,” she said.

Across four experiments polling 2,700 respondents via online platforms and at Cornell, the researchers found that hedging increases the likelihood of people entering into negotiations and that people who hedge perform better in negotiations. Results were parsed from respondents' reactions to scenarios such as “I saw your ad. I was wondering if I could pay $400 for your card set” and “I saw your ad. I’ll pay $400 for your card set.”

The research builds on existing findings, Lee said, by considering not just what people offer – how extreme they are, but also how they make their offers – whether or not they use politeness.

“People know that to do well, you have to be assertive, but most don’t talk about the risks of being assertive. Most research is focused on ‘stand your ground’ without considering risk. Our research shows people can hedge their assertiveness with linguistics and reap the benefits while mitigating the risk of impasse,” Lee said.

The research findings have practical implications, Lee said. Consider salary negotiations: “We know we should be assertive with first offers because that is the base for further increases. People wonder if an assertive offer will seem aggressive. Framing the pitch with ‘Would you be willing to consider’ helps you seem more polite while still throwing that high number out to anchor your employers’ perception.”

Real estate is another area where hedging can help you, she said, offering this scenario: “If several bidders are vying for a house listed at $500,000, asking ‘Would you be willing to consider $400,000’ not only preserves the benefits of a bold offer, it also doesn’t seem to trigger more aggressive counteroffers,” she said. “You’re less likely to offend the seller, which means you keep the conversation going – and that can make all the difference in striking a deal.”

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