Cornell University

Men and Women as Allies

16 E. 34th Street, 212-340-2826

Hear Their Stories

An Interview with Peter Alexander 

Peter Alexander 

“The one thing that I’ve always thought is “why did you get together with that person in the first place?” there must be some reason why you fell in love with this person and wanted to be with them.  It wasn’t the thought that you wanted to beat this person, it wasn’t the thought that you wanted to be better than this person, it was the thought that you wanted to be with this person…”
“I never understood why anybody thought that they needed to beat their partner.  The way I was raised of course played a big role in that.  If that’s learned behavior, that’s something that needs to be unlearned.”

“[Men who are abusive] need to be talked to, they need to be reprogrammed from that thinking.  Ask them questions as to what brings you to that boiling point where you feel you need to hit another person or become abusive or yell at another person, or call them names? What brings you to that point?  To get them to say, at that point, you need to step back and walk away from that situation.  Get some air, find out what you need to do to communicate and get rid of that feeling of needing to be abusive.”